Moving into a care home is a significant change, and you should know it is completely normal for both the person moving, and their family, to feel anxious about it. Most people find that the adjustment takes a few weeks rather than a few days, and that with the right preparation, the transition goes more smoothly than expected.
Before the move
Understand what your loved one is feeling
It is easy to focus on the logistics and lose sight of what the person moving is experiencing. For many older people, this transition brings a real sense of loss of independence, of familiar surroundings, of a daily routine they have managed for decades. There may also be fear of the unknown, worry about fitting in, or concern about being a burden.
These feelings are valid and worth acknowledging directly, not just reassuring away. At the same time, many people also feel relief once they are settled. The anxiety of living alone, the worry about falls, the isolation - these things lift. That side of the experience is real too.
Get involved in the care plan
Before or shortly after moving in, the home should put together a detailed care plan. Contribute as much as you can to this. Share information about your loved one's routines, preferences, things that comfort them, things that unsettle them, and anything that helps staff understand them as a person rather than a new resident.
At Abafields, we take time to get to know each person before we finalise their care plan. The more we know, the better we can care for them from day one.
Visit in advance if possible
If circumstances allow, a visit or two before the move date can help. Seeing the home, meeting a few members of staff, and having a meal there can make the eventual move feel less like stepping into the unknown. Ask whether a short trial stay is possible, many homes offer this, and it can be a good way to ease in before committing fully.
Book a visit to Abafields here.
Sort out the practical and financial side early
Sorting out funding before the move removes a significant source of stress. If you have not already done this, read our care funding guide which covers local authority funding, NHS Continuing Healthcare, and self-funding options for Bolton families.
There are also a number of admin tasks worth completing before or shortly after the move:
- Arrange a Lasting Power of Attorney if one is not already in place
- Notify the GP surgery and arrange a transfer of medical records if moving to a new area
- Set up a Royal Mail redirect from the previous address
- Notify the bank, pension provider, and the Department for Work and Pensions of the change of address
- Notify the local council, particularly if they are contributing to funding or if council tax arrangements need updating
- Update the electoral roll
Pack thoughtfully
A care home room should feel personal, not institutional. Bring items that matter:
- Photographs and familiar ornaments
- Favourite books, music, or a tablet or radio if they use one
- Comfortable, labelled clothing
- A familiar blanket or cushion
- Any religious or cultural items that are important to them
Check with the home about what can be accommodated. At Abafields, residents are welcome to personalise their room and bring their own furniture if they prefer.
On moving day
Keep the day as calm and low-key as possible. Too many people present can feel overwhelming. If there are grandchildren or extended family who want to be involved, it may be better to arrange a visit a few days later once the person has had a chance to settle.
Stay for a while, have a cup of tea, meet the staff who will be caring for your loved one. But also be prepared to say goodbye at some point. Lingering for too long can sometimes make the separation harder rather than easier.
In the first few weeks
Expect some adjustment
Most people take time to settle. Changes in appetite or sleep are common in the first two to three weeks as the person adapts to new routines and surroundings, these usually normalise on their own. Some people withdraw a little at first, observing the home and its rhythms before engaging. Some have good days and difficult ones in close succession. This is all normal.
What is important is that the adjustment is gradual, not that it is immediate.
"I want to go home"
This is one of the most difficult things a family member can hear, and it is very common in the early weeks. It helps to know that for many people, and particularly those living with dementia, saying "I want to go home" often means "I feel unsettled" or "I need reassurance" rather than a literal request to leave. It tends to reduce in frequency as familiarity grows, usually within four to six weeks.
Try not to argue or explain why going home is not possible. Acknowledge the feeling, offer reassurance, and let staff know as they are experienced in responding to this and can help.
Visit regularly, but not constantly in the first days
Frequent short visits in the first week can sometimes interrupt the process of settling in and forming new relationships with staff and other residents. If there are several family members who want to visit, a loose rota can help ensure your loved one gets steady, manageable contact without feeling overwhelmed. Your presence matters, but so does giving them the chance to find their feet.
Most homes are happy to give families updates by phone between visits if you are concerned.
Raise concerns promptly
If something does not seem right, speak to the home manager directly and promptly. Small issues resolved quickly rarely become bigger ones. At Abafields, our manager Victor Phiri is approachable and available to speak with families. Get in touch here.
Stay involved in care decisions
Your involvement does not stop at move-in. You should be included in care plan reviews and kept informed of any significant changes to your loved one's health or wellbeing. At Abafields, we offer regular family updates and online meetings so that families stay connected however far away they are.
If the placement is not working
Give it reasonable time as most people need at least four to six weeks before a fair assessment can be made. But if, after that period, a placement genuinely is not right, it is possible to move. Talk to the home manager first. If the placement is funded by the local authority or NHS, speak to your Bolton Council social worker or the relevant NHS team. You are not locked in, and the right fit matters.
Looking after yourself
Moving a loved one into care can bring feelings of guilt, grief, and relief, sometimes all at once. Research suggests around 80% of family members experience guilt at this stage, even when they know the decision was right. That is worth knowing and it does not mean you have made the wrong choice.
Guilt tends to lessen as you see your loved one settling, making connections with staff, eating well, and feeling safer. That shift takes time, but it does happen for most families.
In the meantime, do not carry it alone. Talk to the care home staff, who support families through this regularly. Talk to someone you trust. And if the feelings are intense or persistent, your GP can refer you to counselling.
The following organisations also offer support:
- Carers UK -- advice, information, and a helpline for carers
- Age UK Bolton -- local support and guidance
- Alzheimer's Society -- support for families of people living with dementia
- Care Rights UK -- independent advice on care rights, standards, and what to do if things go wrong
For more guidance on the steps involved in arranging care at Abafields, read our step-by-step guide to arranging care.
If you would like to talk through any aspect of the move with our team, we are happy to help.
